I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
