I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
