Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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