thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
