Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
