you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
