lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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