meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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