i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
