Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
