I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
