my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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