i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
