You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
