Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
