They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
