fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
