Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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