I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
