Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
