Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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