who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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