Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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