I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
