Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
