Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
