You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
