I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
