Im at strip club and am horny
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
