he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
