Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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