I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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