I puked a lego.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
