Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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