**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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