my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
