if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
