the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
