So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
