I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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