meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
