I am midnight drunk by noon
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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