ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
