You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
