I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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