Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
