Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
