Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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