Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
