I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
