areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
