i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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