Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
