He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
